بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
"In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful"

Betapa agungnya! Allah SWT menurunkan ayat pertama @ perkataan pertama melalui Al-Quran hanyalah dengan perkataan Iqra'. Anehnya, perkataan pertama itu bukan bermaksud, sembahyang, puasa, dsb. Ia bermaksud "bacalah..."

Allah revealed the first sentence @ first word through the Quran is the word Iqra '. Oddly, the first word that does not mean, prayer, fasting, etc.. It means "read ..."

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Computer Helpline

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
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Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
on my desk... sorry ........
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ..
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates!
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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says
'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front
of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8. Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Petua Murah Rezeki dan Dijauhi Kesulitan


Abu Yazid Al Busthami, pelopor sufi, pada suatu hari pernah didatangi seorang lelaki yang wajahnya kusam dan keningnya selalu berkerut. Dengan murung lelaki itu mengadu,"Tuan Guru, sepanjang hidup saya, rasanya tak pernah lepas saya beribadah kepada Allah. Orang lain sudah lelap, saya masih bermunajat. Isteri saya belum bangun, saya sudah mengaji. Saya juga bukan pemalas yang enggan mencari rezeki. Tetapi mengapa saya selalu malang dan kehidupan saya penuh kesulitan?"

Sang Guru menjawab sederhana, "Perbaiki penampilanmu dan rubahlah roman mukamu. Kau tahu, Rasulullah SAW adalah penduduk dunia yang miskin namun wajahnya tak pernah keruh dan selalu ceria. Sebab menurut Rasulullah SAW, salah satu tanda penghuni neraka ialah muka masam yang membuat orang curiga kepadanya." Lelaki itu tertunduk.

Ia pun berjanji akan memperbaiki penampilannya. Mulai hari itu, wajahnya senantiasa berseri. Setiap kesedihan diterima dengan sabar, tanpa mengeluh. Alhamdullilah sesudah itu ia tak pernah datang lagi untuk berkeluh kesah. Keserasian selalu dijaga. Sikapnya ramah,wajahnya senantiasa mengulum senyum bersahabat.

Rupa mukanya berseri. Tak heran jika Imam Hasan Al Basri berpendapat, awal keberhasilan suatu pekerjaan adalah roman muka yang ramah dan penuh senyum.Bahkan Rasulullah SAW menegaskan, senyum adalah sedekah paling murah tetapi paling besar pahalanya. Demikian pula seorang suami atau seorang isteri.

Alangkah celakanya rumah tangga jika suami isteri selalu berwajah tegang. Sebab tak ada persoalan yang diselesaikan dengan mudah melalui kekeruhan dan ketegangan. Dalam hati yang tenang, pikiran yang dingin dan wajah cerah, Insya Allah, apapun persoalannya nescaya dapat diatasi. Inilah yang dinamakan keluarga sakinah, yang didalamnya penuh dengan cinta dan kasih sayang.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Getting the most from your I.T. Department


1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

6. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

7. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

8. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

9. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.

10. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

11. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

12. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

14. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice : "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?". That motivates us.

15. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

16. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

17. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

18. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.

19. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.

20. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.

21. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you ?

22. When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway.

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call I.T. Support.

26. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We love to hack.

27. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

28. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.

29. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.

30. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end.

31. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Birmingham like to keep abreast of what's going on.

32. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.

33. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.

34. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.

35. In no way do we believe that end-users are ungrateful. It hurts our feelings that one could even think such a thing on the basis of the above statements. In truth we wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of wonderful end-users portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.

Your friendly computer guy.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Soal Jawab Guru dan Sin Chan


Guru : Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan pelahan."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y-A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu.

Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanya saya macam mana saya
mengeja nya, itu lah yang saya eja !

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kan kelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana
Amerika Utara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia
yang tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, Beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa
Amerika Utara?
Kelas: Sin Chan Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada
10 tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakit yang di sebabkan oleh
gigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigit serangga.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-*

Guru: "Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu
berlaku secara kebetulan?"
Sin Chan: "Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama,
pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sungguh stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warna
hijau berbintik hitam dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru. !
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan
kerana terdapat sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah .

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, Sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakah awak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , Saya tak perlu buat begitu , kerana saya tahu ibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang di karang oleh Adik awak. Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , ia hanya lah anjing yang sama!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti henti bercakap tetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Rezeki

Telah banyak kali rasanya disebutkan oleh ribuan malah jutaan ilmuan Islam di seluruh dunia, bahawa menderma dan bersedeqah itu menambahkan rezeki dan bukan mengurangkannya.

Namun sudah tentu akan tetap wujud individu yang masih belum mampu memperolehi keyakinan bahawa rezekinya akan bertambah apabila menghulurkan sejumlah wang yang diusahakan dengan penat lelah itu.

Ini berlaku biasanya, disebabkan oleh minda individu terbabit yang mengecilkan skop rezeki hanya kepada penilaian naik turun harta dan wang di hadapan mata. Akibat dari itu, apa yang berkurang akan dirasa sentiasa menurun. Perasaan itu terus menerus mengunci dirinya untuk bersedeqah dan menyumbang, malah lebih serius apabila ada sebahagiannya menahan diri dari berbelanja untuk diri dan keluarganya.

thanks to: http://mr-tazkirah.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Computer Error


I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out ......

I D 1 0 T

Monday, May 10, 2010

4 Perkara Sebelum Tidur


Rasulullah berpesan kepada Aisyah ra : " Ya Aisyah jangan engkau tidur sebelum melakukan empat perkara, yaitu :

1. Sebelum khatam Al Qur'an.
2. Sebelum membuat para Nabi memberimu syafaat di hari akhir.
3. Sebelum para muslim meridhloi kamu.
4. Sebelum kau laksanakan haji dan umroh...

" Bertanya Aisyah :
" Ya Rasulullah .............Bagaimana aku dapat melaksanakan 4 perkara seketika.?"

Rasul tersenyum dan bersabda :
"Jika engkau tidur bacalah : Al Ikhlas tiga kali seakan-akan kau mengkhatamkan Al Qur'an."

"Membacalah Sholawat untuk Ku dan para nabi sebelum aku, maka kami semua akan memberi syafaat dihari kiamat "

"Beristighfarlah untuk para muslimin maka meraka akan meridhloi kamu."

"Dan perbanyaklah bertasbih,bertahmid,bertahlil,bertakbir maka seakan-akan kamu telah melaksanakan ibadah haji dan umroh."

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Petua Murah Rezeki dan Dijauhi Kesulitan


Abu Yazid Al Busthami, pelopor sufi, pada suatu hari pernah didatangi seorang lelaki yang wajahnya kusam dan keningnya selalu berkerut.Dengan murung lelaki itu mengadu,"Tuan Guru, sepanjang hidup saya, rasanya tak pernah lepas saya beribadah kepada Allah. Orang lain sudah lelap, saya masih bermunajat. Isteri saya belum bangun, saya sudah mengaji. Saya juga bukan pemalas yang enggan mencari rezeki. Tetapi mengapa saya selalu malang dan kehidupan saya penuh kesulitan?"

Sang Guru menjawab sederhana, "Perbaiki penampilanmu dan rubahlah roman mukamu. Kau tahu, Rasulullah SAW adalah penduduk dunia yang miskin namun wajahnya tak pernah keruh dan selalu ceria. Sebab menurut Rasulullah SAW, salah satu tanda penghuni neraka ialah muka masam yang membuat orang curiga kepadanya." Lelaki itu tertunduk.

Ia pun berjanji akan memperbaiki penampilannya. Mulai hari itu, wajahnya senantiasa berseri. Setiap kesedihan diterima dengan sabar, tanpa mengeluh. Alhamdullilah sesudah itu ia tak pernah datang lagi untuk berkeluh kesah. Keserasian selalu dijaga. Sikapnya ramah,wajahnya senantiasa mengulum senyum bersahabat.

Rupa mukanya berseri. Tak heran jika Imam Hasan Al Basri berpendapat, awal keberhasilan suatu pekerjaan adalah roman muka yang ramah dan penuh senyum.Bahkan Rasulullah SAW menegaskan, senyum adalah sedekah paling murah tetapi paling besar pahalanya. Demikian pula seorang suami atau seorang isteri.

Alangkah celakanya rumah tangga jika suami isteri selalu berwajah tegang. Sebab tak ada persoalan yang diselesaikan dengan mudah melalui kekeruhan dan ketegangan. Dalam hati yang tenang, pikiran yang dingin dan wajah cerah, Insya Allah, apapun persoalannya nescaya dapat diatasi. Inilah yang dinamakan keluarga sakinah, yang didalamnya penuh dengan cinta dan kasih sayang.

thanks to: http://tazkirah-umum.blogspot.com/

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